those days...

Those days when I was a kid.. when I have no idea what career is all about.. what I  will be in the future .. as far as i can still remember, when I was 7, my school teacher  asked the students what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were thing like prime minister, president, astronaut  or in my case…an actress (what the heck??I know...maybe due to the fact tht I had involved in acting at tadika.)..So when we were ten, they asked again the same question and we answered - rock star, artist, or in my case, a superhero (dont judge me..xP).... But now that we've grown up,they keep asking the same old question but they demands a serious answer.

This is what I have to say : Ever since I was 7 or maybe, 6, I have always wanted to be a doctor. My friends, however, had weird ambitions like becoming superheroes, the one who have powers or magic to regain back the soul of those who have died. I was the one  whose feet was still on the ground even when I was a kid. I was so used to actually being in this world that I didn't allow myself to dream of the impossible. Now that I'm all grown up, I realized what I had been missing as a child.

" Dreams".

 Kids are amazing creatures. They're easily influenced by those 'ever afters' stories from glossy pages with pictures of Power Puff Girls n cinderella. They think of happy thoughts, which explains why they act as if the whole universe revolves around them. They dream all they want and believe those big ambitions of theirs may come true someday. If I could turn back time, I would tell my younger and hingusan self to dream and not be afraid of them not becoming true. It's a stupid topic to talk about. Dreams. Yess, I am fully aware of me being simply absurd but hey, i have no fear of ridicule this time. I believe in dreams as much as I believe that  the ice will melt if it is being placed in a hot water.. I believe in dreams as much as I believe that the colours of a rainbow are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet and indigo. I believe in dreams as much as I believe that the clock rotate clockwise. I love making comparisons :) “Dreams are like paintings and we're the artists. We paint whatever we like with whatever colours we choose”.

And now it’s the time. the time that will determine what I will be 5 years from now. Pray for my interview this coming April people !  May He bless me with confidence and ease. 

a "cacamarba" random post

I decided to write today and managed to catch one snippet of my thought that was flying at 100mph in my mind. It's about 'passtime' or passion vs time.haha just to make it complicated.. Well, when it comes to this topic, what comes first to my mind is the 103th Surah in the Holy Quran that we are all familiar with since childhood, which is Surah al-'asr. *but I'm not going to elaborate about it.*

Have you ever wonder to where did your time go? *especially during a long holiday*

You wake up every morning and do all the routines- performing subuh prayer, take a bath, breakfast/brunch, indulge in books and yada yada yada. You are so bogged down with work and life and suddenly you are in the kitchen, doing household chores-cooking , cleaning , *that have to be done regularly at home*, yelling at your brother who make a mess here and there until it's time to bed. The next morning you start a new day but the same routine ,in and out. Sometimes you go for a short excursion or hanging out with your friends or do something that makes you happy. But, is there something you are passionate about ? 

It's amazing to see someone dedicate his/her time on what he/she is passionate about. Like photographing, writing novels and inspiring others, attending this and that event and so on. I dont know what things I'm passionate about really. Rewinding back to the time I was small, I still remember that I love to practice handwriting skill. I love to take my mom's book or planner and rewrite back every sentences therein contained. 

It maybe sounds weird to you, but I got used to it and somehow my handwriting became beautiful from day to day. even my primary school teacher put her trust on me to write all the names of student in the 'kehadiran book'. haha. really hardworking you see. how i wish that good element still exists in me. *sigh*. There were times I changed my passion to playing dolls. and other times to drawing and coloring. Those days back then were the glorious time of my achievement in my life. who would have thought that your hobby sometimes could pay you a great deal. The most vivid memories that I have was during my achievement in a coloring contest in standard 1- got the 1st prize and brought along a voucher 3 days and 2 nights to Swiss Garden Hotel, Kuantan. Seeing my parents happy that day was enough for me. plus 2 of my sisters got the 3rd prize but in different categories. well thats mean there were 3 vouchers altogether lol. heaven ! 

I really love my childhood memories in all honesty. one of the sweetest thoughts that still lingering around my head , still vividly clear till now is we loved to participate in any contests- be it in medias or in reality. Talking about media contest , once, there was a cartoon show- which is not so popular- called = Cheezels. have you ever heard about it? i dunno whether it's still popular in other country but in Malaysia i guess not lol . 

however we loved to watch it soo much and after one episode passed, there would be a question that we should answer in order to win the prize. and that question was  damn soo easy ! as easy as an abc. just direct questions like , what is the name of his friend, how old is he *something like that.* lol anyone can answer that if they watched it. or maybe if they seek help from the internet. Reluctant as we were, we decided to participate it and Alhamdulillah , all of us won. *not to mention the RM200 x 5 vouchers  to Toys"R"Us that we got lol*  ahhhhhhhhhhhh if only times can go backwards.

As I grew older , I started drifting away from these hobbies of mine. I guess I was caught up in a rat race or maybe other things were taking too much of my time. *excuses detected* There's not much time to invest our time on hobbies because we can just sit idly on the sofa and scroll down on people's life. Likes everywhere you see the  'like button', comments if u have mood.. see what they are eating , holiday trips , latest events or fashions- tudung collections especially. No no.. i'm not pointing to anyone but me. yes , me. i'm feeling really bad now. social network took up too much of my time i guess. Nevertheless I'm slowly realizing that i should pursue what i am passionate about. ya , before its too late. though I dont know to where my passion falls into,*not specific cuz there are too many of it but I'm not pro in any* just pray tht i manage to find one in 2016. *feeling hopeless* haha. 

theres still that residual feeling of anticipation of what's to come. and as for now, I guess as we grow older, we just wake up every morning thinking of the things we need to do for the day and just try our best to do it. and if we r lucky, we get some free time to really do something that we r passionate about. of course i want to achieve some things personally but very simple stuff hihi. i guess one of it would be to blog more? blog, can you be really nice to me? please bring me the mood when looking at you. 

we'll seee. 

" EACH STEP INTO THE UNKNOWN IS ANOTHER STEP CLOSER TO SELF-DISCOVERY"

Gulp.

just about to finish writing this post ,one whatssap popped up on screen, stated as mentioned. maybe i have to challenge myself more. so 2016, especially to my dear self, let's smash trough the limits you previously imposed yourself and being your own happiness. do the things that you loved, not the things that you are being forced to do. 

So Far So Good

It has been about 2 months I've been potatoing at home. With..

• No homework
• No assignments 
• No presentations
• No group discussions
• No usrah
• No riadhah 
• No gym
• No consultation
• No tutorial&quizzes
• No buying food
• No spending money
• No library
• No blackout at Mahallah
• No netball

and so many No that Uni students not-so-keen-to-do but later on come to miss every single thing that they had back then before holiday.

well now I admit that I'm bored ! hahaha. but not really,

So many times i had the urge to go out and find a job anywhere around here , or hanging out with my primary school friends or attending cooking class *bvuur* .. but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

err okay finela to be honest, i was entangled to a korean series-that kept me busy. 20 episodes, an hour each. and even worser, i kept repeating the same episodes again and again ! That was 20hrs times infinity of my life  wasted in front of the screen lol . please don't copy me. XD

and surely i could have finished a total number of books already.

the one that has been kept for 6 years of my life in the cupboard full of cobwebs..

the one that I got from my beloved friends- tukar2 hadiah

Reader's Digest my mom subscribed every month

the recycle books that I took from my secondary school

and the book that my mom bought me sooo  long time ago and boy was I ecstatic to be able to finish it yesterday lol. Imagine how reading would actually help me during my excruciating confinement at home. everything that I miss, my friends, my catalyst, my lecturers*not so* was somehow ceased to exist through reading. It helps me to meet a new company .. a new character that i've never met before.and it also helps to reduce pain tho.XD and I am thankful for that. To finally find the cure... cure of boredomness.:)

Frankly speaking, I am not actually that kind of person who loves reading.Until this one inspiring and appealing creature, which I called 'it' Catalyst , register to my life. Transforming me to a new mature and nerdy  me *ceewah* and obviously reading has become part of my hobby.  Catalyst if you're reading this, I hope you are doing good. *wink*wink*

So for the sake of update, this should be a short post.. I'm sorry .:3

will come back blogging after my family-vacay is over! pray for our safety peeps!

until then.

addu'a biddu'a.

Future Me

Dear the adult version of me,

This is your 'last teen' of self saying, and you will be going to the next version of you..

One day , you're gonna get married. Choose carefully and wisely the one you would be spending the rest of your life with. Do not expect him to be like Edward Cullen or Tom Vladimir or whatever you might think . they are all human being , nothing perfect and yes, physical attractiveness, wealth, and status are the things that needed to be considered. but those are just  supposed to be considered , never PRIORITIZED ! what's a priority is his Iman. yeah, no one can measure iman, but you get what i mean right ? I know you do. cuz you are me and I'm you. we're just in different time frames. and Syikin, just so you know, if you want to marry the  right person, you first have to be the right one! if you want to marry a kind man. you first have to be kind okay.

hey wait a minute!

what the hell am I saying just now?

ermahged Syikin...

there's more to life than getting married and popping babies. i mean, think of all the books you could read in your spare time..think of the experiences that you can get in your uni life...joining this and that... think of the juzu' in the Quran that u have been longing to memorize...think of all the knowledge that u have now..is it sufficient enough to guide you towards the future?  that has to take some getting used to.

and Syikin...

I hope you can achieve whatever u have wished for  in your life.

I know you want to be an ***********/*** **********.

So work for it ! you have another 5 months to complete your foundation. though u took longer than others, doesn't mean u fail or fool right?

make the best out of it ! never procrastinate never and never..

Allah has placed Al Hikmah there.

the plan is this , study really hard. get your scholarship, get the course that u want, make mom and dad proud of you, be happy and be healthy, yup be HEALTHY ! cuz without health... how are you going to develop a future you mannnnn..

I hope when I read this one day, I'd be once again, eager to finish this goal of mine.

if Allah does not will it for me to pursue this plan of mine , I will try to accept it with an open heart. InshaaAllah.

In 3:54,

And the disbelievers planned , but Allah planned. and Allah is the best of planners.

This ayah remains as one of my favourite verses in the Quran.

until then..pray for me ! :)

Words on my lips

And so, after 36 months of semi-hiatus, I thought I have to double up my post and start typing away my thoughts . So much to share but so little headspace and time to accommodate all the trivial stuff that come through my buzzing head. I may have successfully stayed afar from Facebook but let me just say that how inflicting instagram bug is . I have sorta become a perma-fix on the IG world to the extent that I've been uploading 218 pictures altogether for about 1 year. See? How clingy I am towards this thing. Bluek.

Time sure does fly, doesn't it?

I still remember my excitement at playing so-called  "baling2 selipar" around my neighbourhood. So much fun we were having back then. Me and the rest of my siblings were the Taiko of the Taman ! haha. Without us, I simply can't imagine how silently that place would be. XD

Time flies. and the more I say it the more I am astounded at its truth. I failed to notice the little things going on around me. As I change, grew to the next age bracket, so do the people I love. My parents are getting older. My young, youthful parents are becoming older . Been together with my parents  for 19 years have shown me just how aged my parents have become, and how sometimes I am ignorant of the fact that cause me to belief that they're still healthy and that they'll always stay around, Fact is, I can't imagine otherwise.

That is why it is vital  for us for us to always show them how much we appreciate them while they are still around. Pray for them each time after solah and when they slipped on our mind. We never know when those lovely creatures will leave us. We don't know how long we can kiss their cheeks and their blessed hands, that have fed us, cared for us. They are a blessing for us. and we don't know for how long we have this blessing for. As best as we could, make an effort to keep in touch with our parents, it's not so much of buying them things, a phone call would do, or perhaps if you are dezombying yourself at home*like me*, try to actively bulldoze that zombie habit and start to be in the kitchen ! cook! let them taste your dishes. *credit to the girls out there *XD who knows, perhaps you can get an overwhelming praises from them.. tehee. *sape x suke masakan die kene puji kan kan * :3

At the end of the day, it's really about your intention and how sincere you are at making them happy and feel loved.May Allah bless my abah and mama and  your parents with good health always, and grant them Jannah for everything they've done for us. They are only human and that is, they're flawed and imperfect but i trust that they've done their best at raising us . :)

well, that is personally what I feel.

Until then.

'' We grow up thinking that our parents will never understand our struggles but the truth is that they invest their time making sure we never understand theirs'' 

An Awakening

Assalamualaikum and Hello everyone !

Mannn.. It's been quite a long time ehh ?It took me 3 YEARS to update this horrendous blog from my previous blog updates.I don't mind it because I had so much things going on in my life, too overwhelmed with things happening around.Sorry peeps! but heyy! where's my previous updates?!!  Due to it's childish content, the posts have already been deleted! I dunno but once I reread them again and again, I felt like OMG The latter  Syikin  is totally different with The Former Syikin.. in terms of whattttttt *sopranosirmdnor*, ermm okay I don't know. just forget about it. hahaha

Anyway, I've changed my blog template ahaaaa buruk gilerr kan yes it is ! I've been googling sooo many times to search for the best one and eventually ended up with headache . so I just picked any not-so-tempting- template available on my blog.* actually there will be more changes to come, just wait and see haha. poyo je.  * I pledge that I will active blogging this year. That is actually something that I had promised myself since forever? but well , there's always a start somewhere.

The reasons for my 'trying-to-make-a-comeback' blogging are inter alia as follows :

* It hit me hard when I realized that my 'procrastination' habit become worser. It is actually a nafs-satisfying things that bottled me up during this 3 months holiday* indulging in sleeping, eating too much, watching cartoons and then repeat the same episodes again and again* haha. I'm really mad. so I think I should find myself with something...good..u know like 'mature things' to indulge in hahah puihh

*Just to idle my time away with something beneficial . yeah, they say that the more u read , the more knowledge u have, and  the better u are at explaining things with a large array of words. so here I am.. staring blankly in front of my laptop.

*trying to develop my writing skills since it has already been 2 years I haven't learn English. Oh no..  hopefully my MUET result will turn out well. pray for me gaiss.

* can't tell

*can't tell

* secret 

* reasons are securely privated .haha

Anyhoo, just to make things clear though. I write because I have something to say. Things that I feel matter and I would like to voice out. Even so, my blog is not my diary. I'm not capable of posting and sharing things everyday.So pardon me if my blog may be dead for some period of time. But don't lose any sleep over it. I will update it ASAP InshaaAllah.  All I need is your patience. It is after all...a virtue. :)

Leaving you now with a piece of mind :

Everyday is a blessing. Live every second as if your last , InshaaAllah it will be of more meaning.

Life is too short. we would want to be happy in the little time we have, don't you agree ? :)

gonna explore this new bug of mine. Till then. XD